feeling unload time
ugh i feel like i’m getting fatter by the second, but as much as i complain about it i dont stop eating. #YOLO. but seriously i’ve been contemplating like not eating a lot like last summer and walking around more but i’m like fuck that, i could be eating delicious things that taste so good, but do such evil. i’m so bloated because of this BUTTFUCK period that likes to torture me. whoopee. these past few weeks have really pointed out how much i care what people think, and how badly i want stupid acceptance. i kinda want to learn to just be like “fuck it, fuck u, fuck erryone, dgaf, get cray, who currs” all that teenage crap. IDK THO because i don’t believe that i could actually do that…i had a dream last night that these chicks were sitting around a table talking shit about me, knowing that i was LITERALLY IN PLAIN VIEW BUT THEY KEPT DOING IT JUST TO FUCK WITH ME, and i really wanted to like walk up and yell but i didn’t want to cause confrontation so i didnt. LIKE EVEN IN MY DREAMS I CAN’T STICK UP FOR MYSELF. WHAT THE FUCK GIVES. AGH. i need to stop taking shit from da peepz out thurr. i just don’t want to be a bitch that everyone hates, though why should i care. if people are going to not be my friend and hate i dont think i can do anything to change their solid decision so i’m just not going to care anymore i guess. it’s stupid and pointless. THERE ARE SO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS IN THIS POST MY GOD. ugh i feel like such a slut lately even though i’ve only ever been with one person my whole life (unless you count elementary school, which i don’t). i know i’m not a slut because i know a lot of people that have done a lot more with WAAAAAAY MORE people. last summer i remember in a way i kind of wanted to like make out with a bunch of different peeps but in all actuality, i feel ashamed sometimes of that and everything i’ve done, even though it’s not even that bad…i feel like a shitton has changed in a year, and i’ve matured and experienced quite a bit. some things i’m not proud of and i have made mistakes but everyone has so i dont think that i should make myself feel really bad about it. jonny and i have grown so comfortable with each other, and i’m so grateful for that. he’s been very supportive and wonderful and i love him for that. i never really thought that my former friends ever were happy for me about having him, and i almost felt like they kind of alienated me for it and made me feel like i couldn’t even understand them anymore. AGH. i dont know what to do with myself this summer…everyone has this thing called a “life” which, for some reason, i cannot acquire. i guess i’ll just like focus on work and shit and spending time with jonny since i most likely wont be able to that much during the school year. i dont even know where i’ll be soon. like what. GAAAAHHHH. okay well feel unload completed for now~~~
